My Two Cent's Worth

So this weekend was absolutely wonderful.....Sure Ole Miss lost the football game - that kinda sucked....but at least they played better than anyone had expected....Events following the game were what made the weekend so good though. Went to the pharmacy tent, hung out with my cool pharmacy kid friends, then went to a party at the Links....never quite made it home, but that's okay....at least I didn't drive drunk......Anyway, going to bed soon.....out like a fat kid in dodgeball.....(or a fat kid in a spelling bee as someone once said - it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever - I think that is why he thought it was funny...maybe?? who knows)

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Sincerely Me - Better Than Ezra

Today was uneventful to say the least....No real good or bad things happened....wow, boring, huh? Randomly saw Brian again - kind of starting to bother me. I would just rather not see him at all. Not even driving by on the road - I would kind of like to forget that he is even here....But I don't have much control over that now do I? Oh well, as long as I don't run into him in one of those weird, forced conversational experiences. I don't have anything to say to him.....Anyway, this weekend is kinda gonna be chill for me....I've got some thinking to do, and I just need to relax and take it easy. I think I'm beginning to get sick, so lying around sounds great. Gilmore Girls - Season 4, here I come! Wow, I'm such a dork....I officially have nothing due next week besides some silly business letter, so I don't even have to study this weekend. That's a definite relief. I'll probably just hang around, go to the game, and chill with Josh and Sam....I need to sort alot of things out this weekend before they drive me insane. I think some hardcore praying action is in the works....I just feel so far away from everything that means the most to me right now, and I want to get close to it again....I wish it were as easy as it sounds, but sadly, it may be one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life....wish me luck....

^{( My kind of poetry....for those who are interested..... )}

So, yeah, today was pretty much a good day. I am about to go to RUF, which is always uplifting for me....But I can't help the fact that I am walking around with a heavy heart. Something inside of me is off balance, and it is really spinning my entire world upside down...I'm at a loss as to what do with myself- I am hoping that hearing Les speak God's word tonight will spark something inside me and I can find the strength to make it through. I have a strange feeling that the message I am going to hear tonight will have some sort of implication on my life. I don't know though, I guess I will have to find out....I just know that something needs to happen and something needs to change....this feeling is terrible and it won't go away....

Current Mood: melancholy

So....I must admit that today has been on somewhat of the wonderful side so far....And it's only 1:30!!! We got our first Pathophysiology tests back today, and I must say, I did much better than I thought I was going to. This was the test that I took last Thursday-the one I had studied for about a week for....Anyway, we got it back today, and I made a 103!! Go figure!! I was so excited, I thought I was going to pass out....okay, maybe not that excited, but ya know - it was great...And then I went to talk to my internship advisor, Dr. Robinson, and she informed me that the trip to Australia this summer was something she strongly encouraged, and as long as nothing terrible happens between then and now, it should be a definite!! That is really exciting for me because I have tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins over there that I haven't seen in a long time. I would love to go visit them, and I would be getting credit for school too! And, to make the day even better, I stopped by another professor's office on my way to work, and he gave me a copy of a recommendation letter he had written for me - it was so nice - It almost made me want to cry....It really made me feel good about myself (I have been down on myself for the past few days), and it really made me feel like someone was noticing all the hard work and enthusiasm that I put into things...It made me feel appreciated, and that is always a good thing...Anyway, the day isn't even halfway over, and I am in such a great mood already...I just hope nothing spoils it for me.....Well, there is work to be done, so I guess I should actually do it....or the DM crossword....hmmm....

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Nano's on shuffle....going with the flow....

So today was not really good or bad...Just kind of blah....I went to work at 8 am, went to class at 11, went to a meeting, went to work again at 1, studied at 3, meeting again at 5, then home for more studying....damn Pharmaceutics! I did happen to see two people quite randomly today. First, I was at work, and I looked out the window and there goes Gabe, walking by on the sidewalk....random, I thought....But then it got better cause when I was leaving the pharmacy school at around 6:15, I was walking to the parking lot, and there goes Brian, driving by on the road....now if that isn't the most random thing in the world, then I don't know what is....Anyway, life is okay right now - none of my concerns have been resolved, but luckily I have enough stuff to do to keep my mind off of them - for a little while at least. I don't even know why I am expecting them to be resolved in a timely manner anyway. I know it won't happen that way - they will get resolved on their own time. Or I will just forget about them, because even the most painful things will fade with time....At least that is what I've heard. Someone told me once that the whole "forgive and forget" method doesn't really work out too well. It's really easy to forgive, because that is what is in our nature...it's not a big deal to say, hey, I forgive you. The hard part is the forgetting. Sometimes you try to forget it too soon, and that just causes problems. In other situations, you may never forget, so then what do you do? Ahhh....what a question.....has yet to be answered......don't really know if I want to know the answer to tell you the truth. I just want things in life to not be so hectic anymore. And eventually I know they will be back to normal. I know where to place my trust in this matter, and I know that things will get better. But I can't help the fact that I am the impatient, instant gratification type - it's one of many character flaws.....I think I just need to get away for a while and leave my worries behind... So in an effort to do just that, I am currently in the process of trying to find a summer internship for the pharmacy school in Australia! I have family over there, and I think it would absolutely amazing to go for the summer! Get out of Oxford, forget class and just go spend time in another country...far far away.....I know that it is a long time from now, but if everything works out, at least I will have that trip to look forward to. It would be nice, I have to admit....I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.... Anyway, I have to go study and then I have to watch Nip/Tuck at 9....again, can I repeat....damn, Pharmaceutics....

Current Mood: indifferent

An entire year has passed since I have written in this journal. What made me want to write in it again? I'm actually not sure...I think it might be the fact that I have tons of things running through my head right now, and I was in search of an outlet....so I am using this one. For the time being, my life isn't exactly rainbows and butterflies. Not even close. School is bringing me to the breaking point almost every single day, relationships that once flourished are now non-existent and some of them gone forever, and so many times I find myself looking around and wondering what the hell I am doing here. I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I have almost packed up and left Ole Miss for one reason or another. And the ironic thing about it is that I am not a quitter, but for some reason, some situations just make me want to throw in the towel...I'm not really that happy here sometimes, and because of this unhappiness I have made other people unhappy. I have been blessed with the ability to piss off the people closest to me, and because of that I am often left without those people in my life. One of these days I hope I learn my lesson because if I keep going at this rate, I won't have a soul left to comfort me when my life crumbles down....I know that everything in life happens for a reason, and I do have a specific purpose here. But I just cannot come to grips with the fact that I have hurt people. Did God really intend for me to cause pain in the lives of others, for absolutely no reason at all. I didn't do it cause I wanted to, and I didn't do it because it brought me pleasure....I can't really tell you why I did it....I sound like a four year old, but it was an accident....I don't like to be mean, and I don't like to screw up - But for some reason, I am just really good at it. So, after the fact, I am just left to deal with the consequences. Sometimes I feel like God is just yelling at me "NO, NO, NO!!! That isn't the way that things are supposed to be!!!" But for some reason, I can't hear Him....And for that, I seem to be paying the price....

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Current Mood: numb

Wow - long time since I've updated my poor little journal.  I've been so extremely busy though, and it's not going to get any better until school finally gets started, and I fall into my routine again.  I realized that I haven't even written since I've been back from Gulf Shores!  The trip was wonderful by the way.  It was so nice to just sit around and not have to do anything in particular.  I've been running from place to place so much this summer that at time, I don't even feel like I've gotten a break at all - hello, real world, huh?  So, the long, relaxing days on the beach were much needed, and I was thankful that my parents arranged that little getaway for the family - oh wait, not just the familly, but the five of us, PLUS my sister's stupid boyfriend (he's such a dick) and my little bro's friend.  So there was tons of drama that came along with our travelers, but it was fun, nonetheless.  If you're really bored, you can read all about the adventures of Ashley.....but I'll warn ya, it's kinda long....

( Gulf Shores trip (in a nutshell) )

So, this week has been spent getting everything ready for the move into my apartment tomorrow.  I have pretty much everything packed up already.  That's been done for a few days which was actually a bit amazing given the fact that I NEVER get things like that done so early.  I've been making stuff for my room like crazy though.  So far I've made a message board that's gigantic (i'm using it as a headboard), 7 pillow, a set of placemats, paper mache flower bouquets, and tons of paintings....it's been fun...I can't wait to get it all in my room and see what it looks like when it's all decorated!  Tonight I have to pack up my car, cause I'm leaving pretty early tomorrow morning, and then on Saturday, my dad is coming down with all of the stuff that I can't fit into my car.  By the looks of things, he may have alot to bring down!  Then he'll have to stay to help me hang everything up and whatnot.  It's gonna be an interesting weekend.  I'm looking forward to it though, and I'm definitely looking forward to being back in Oxford.  Watch out everybody, I"m on my way!!

Woo hoo! Today I leave for a week at the beach! Yah! I don't even think I can quite express how excited I am about this. I haven't actually been to the beach and been able to go swimming in the ocean in quite some time. I mean, I went to Panama City for Spring Break, but if any of you went also, you know that it was a tad bit chilly and sometimes impossible to even lay out. But no, as long as it doesn't rain the entire time I'm there, Gulf Shores is going to be a blast! Sure, I'm going with the fam, but hey, they can be fun sometimes, right? The only part that sucks is that everyone else is bringing someone with them, but Brian can't come until Wednesday or Thursday. So that means that while my lil sis is with her boyfriend and my brother is with his friend, I'll be hanging out with the rents. Oh well, I'll make the best of it. They're actually alot more fun now that I've lived away from home and only really come back to "visit"(I think they realize that this is my last summer to even partially live at the house). So, hanging out with them won't be the agonizing experience that it used to be....I may even be looking forward to it. Anyway, we were supposed to leave five minutes ago, but, characteristically, my family is running a little behind schedule. As usual, I am already packed and ready to go, but my mom surely isn't - and don't even get me started on my sister. So now, I must sit here and wait on everyone else.....OH the torture.....
I came to the realization today that when I get home in a week, it will be less than a week before I have to turn around and go back to school. I move into my apartment on the following Friday, and I have so much stuff to do before then. I've got alot packed already, but there is just so much more stuff than there was for the dorm....I have already decided that there isn't going to be much relaxation for me after vacation. It's going to be a constant rush until I get back to Oxford. But then I can relax for a little while before Pharmacy Orientation starts on the 19th. Oh yeah, that reminds me, if anyone isn't doing anything on the 19th at around 7 p.m., you should definitely take a trip over to the Ford Center for some exciting entertainment...Okay, maybe not exciting, but amusing nonetheless...all of us nerdy Pharmacy kids will be going through a ceremony in which we will don our lovely "White Coats"....woo hoo, the introduction to the world of professionalism....I'm excited....anyway, anyone who wants to come is welcome to do so...
Anyway, I guess it's about time that I get off here and pack up my computer so I can take it with me. But, I will post again when I return. I hope everyone has a wonderful week, and I will be thinking about everyone as I lay on the beach and soak up the sun! Bye guys!! Brian, I love you, and I can't wait to see you later this week!!

Okay, so I sat down tonight with a heavy heart, and decided to recap a part of my life that has made me think alot lately.  Recent events have put me in somewhat of a sad mood, and I just felt like writing.  This entry isn't so much for anyone else as it is for me....It's kinda boring unless you know me pretty well, but if you choose to read it, then I think you may understand me a little bit better....

( Sad Life Story (only part of it though) )

Anyway, enough with all the sad stuff....TASC camp was a blast...I'll have to write about that later.  My council got second place out of fifteen, so I was definitely pumped about that.  It means I must be doing something right in my efforts as a counselor...Anyway, I leave this Saturday for a week in Gulf Shores.  I am so excited about this much-needed vacation!  Time for some sun, sand, and quality time with the fam.  And, to top it all off, Brian gets to come when school gets out and spend some time with us!  Yah!  I think that might be the part that I am most excited about.  I haven't seen him in forever, and I miss him!!  Then, after we get back, it's less than a week until I move into my apartment and get ready for school to start....Argg...I don't know if I'm ready for that yet....I don't wanna get back to all that serious business just yet.  I wanna play some more!!  But as for now, I'm about to get to bed pretty soon, but I'm planning on updating again sometime soon....Until then, Brian, I love you and I miss you, and I hope everyone has a great week!